How To Comfort During Chaos

24. That’s the number of people who messaged me to tell me their own story after news broke of our miscarriage. 24. An astonishingly high number of people in my own circle who quietly had a miscarriage; some who had never told anyone because of guilt, shame, and fear of what others would think. 24. Why is this such a taboo topic? How can society give women the courage and strength to share their story? How can you be a safe person for your friend who just had a miscarriage?

It’s hard; I get it. I never knew what to say (or not say) when my friends had a miscarriage. Here are some tips from my experience of how to comfort someone during this time:

•Don’t ask why. Please educate yourself. A quick Google search will tell you that most of the time, miscarriages happen due to chromosomal issues. Something just didn’t match up right. Even knowing this, I can assure you that the mom is replaying every move she made and every food she ate, wondering if that’s what hurt the baby. And if there was a specific reason, it’s none of your business. Don’t make the guilt worse. Just stop asking why.

•Don’t tell me to pray about it. Maybe I’m angry and don’t want to talk to God right now. Maybe I’ve cried out to Him every time I can get the strength to speak. You have no idea how much we prayed over this pregnancy. Pray for me, but don’t tell me to pray.

•Don’t ask how I’m feeling. This question may be okay later on, but not right in the moment. I have vomiting, diarrhea, back pain, the worst cramps of my life, and that’s just for starters. I’m devastated, alone, angry, and still walking around with my dead baby inside my body. How would you feel?

•If you’ve been through it, say something. The most comforting talks I’ve had have been with people who have been through it. There’s something about walking through this together and knowing that others have made it to the other side.

Around 20% of women have had or will have a miscarriage and shouldn’t have to go through it alone. The stigma has to stop. Just because your miscarriage was silent doesn’t mean you have to be.. Let’s talk about it.

💗💗💗💗💗

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